Loud and clear.
October 11, 2011 § 1 Comment
You know when God just plain ol' gets in your face?
I had a totally different post composed for today, but God had other plans.
I love it when that happens. Good thing, too, because I think it had something to do with soup. Or fall. [enough with the soup and fall posts already.]
Fast-forward half an hour.
I was struck with fear. Ugh, such fear. My nemesis. Fear about what people would think, if I’d said the right thing, if it even made any sense. Should I even be writing? There have to be plenty of other people out there with more insight and wisdom to offer- I should just be quiet. I can’t do this. WHAT am I DOING???
Sound like God’s words speaking into my heart? HA- no. After a stomach ache, panicked call to my husband, and too much time dedicated to complete creative paralysis, it hit me- this is exactly what the enemy would have me think, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be just great to silence me as I seek to offer encouragement to others? The self-doubt screaming in my head was almost too much to bear, but I couldn’t help but think that I was only afraid of others’ approval (something I’ve struggled with all my life and it just makes me bonkers). I knew that I had prayed over my words, that the vulnerability was necessary in what I’d written. God and I had talked about it. But I was still worried about approval. What would people’s opinions be?
But it wasn’t about me. It was about Him.
Now fast-forward 20 hours.
As I perused my usual blogging haunts, I was blown away by what I found and couldn’t wait to share it with you. Confirmation. Affirmation.
First, this is exactly what I’ve been telling myself lately! Thank you, Annie, for writing it so well- I want to be brave and “trust God with the rest.” My mind can be my own worst enemy, especially as I sit in front of a computer for hours every day and try to say something, anything, worthwhile.
I have a lot of time with my mind.
That’s also where this wonderfully awesome post comes in. I mean, COME ON. I want to print this, memorize it, pray it, dream it, and recite it daily as I attempt to find my voice. From a blog that reaches thousand of women every day, it felt specifially written for me. Today. Of all days. God, you’re good. Because reading that post made my heart feel like this:
Open field, flowy garments, big smile, all of it- full of joy. Whether it is others out there working toward the same thing or just God by my side, I am not alone. I will keep trying to break free from “the voice of critics” and 0nly “hear His voice.”
And I hope you do, too.