All is well.

October 19, 2011 § 5 Comments

You may be wondering how things have been going since Monday's defeated little post.

Well, I shouldn’t be surprised what God is revealing to me, bit by bit, every day.  Yesterday He let me have a little fun and introduce you all to my cat (who has settled in quite nicely, if you cared for an update).  But today, well, He’s not letting me off that easy.

I found myself over at A Holy Experience this morning and, before I’ve even had my coffee, I was facing some pretty big questions about faith.  I’ve been feeling pretty small lately, in this big sea I’ve jumped into, and have felt unsure about whether or not I belong. 

But the fact is, it’s more than that. 

It is not just about trying my hand at something and lacking confidence.  It is about shrinking back from how God would have me grow, shuffling away from a firm faith in God’s plan for me (as if He doesn’t notice the shuffling), and only relying on myself to figure it out. That’s when I have days like Monday.  My perspective is suddenly small, just me and my computer, and I let the fear win.

And this has always been a part of my personality.  If there is too great of a risk that I could fail, I try to sidestep it.  If it’s new to me, I fret and stew and analyze it from every angle, talking myself out of trying it in the process.  I’ve never been one to “attack” something “head on” and all that “go get ’em” language.  I usually convince myself that someone else would do it better, anyway.  And I don’t let God show me the way.  I sometimes don’t even ask Him about it for fear that He wants me to do it and I. could. fail.

That’s not faith. 

SO, how do I practice my faith day to day?

Right now, in this phase of life, I’m leaning.  I’m waiting on the Lord.  I’m choosing, daily, to listen. I’m praying for Him to show me what He would have me do, write.  And I’m trying so hard to be confident in the fact that, no matter what, God is there.  How can I go wrong?  Even if this all tanks and I end up a shoe shiner, God will be there, working on my grace and interpersonal skills. 

I hope to be thinking about these questions all the time.  In fact, I need to think about other ways I share my faith and deepen my faith in Christ.  But today, I’m going to “abandon and abide- all is well.” 


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§ 5 Responses to All is well.

  • oh my did i need to read this. I really struggle with just taking the leap. especially now that i’m looking for a job … there are things i know in my heart that i’d be good at. yet i feel like, all my education is in other areas, where i’m not as passionate. and i struggle with even asking God if i should go with my heart, b/c like you feel sometimes, i’m afraid he’ll be like DO IT. iy yi yi. i need to spend lots of time in the word today.

    • It’s SO HARD to know our desires from His and too often fear takes over and closes us off from what He might have us do. I was reading in “The Uncommon Woman” by Suzie Larson this morning and she had so many good things to say about fear, like this:
      “The more we understand that our identity in Christ is continually secure and that no misstep, rejection, or judgement could ever change that, the more liberated we become from the opinions of others.” That’s where I struggle, anyway, when “leaping.” So glad you came by and bless you in your leaping!
      P.S. I love the quotes you put up on your site today- I want to have them all over my house. 🙂

  • Crystal says:

    Your fifth paragraph reminds me of a certain high school girl I know. Even though she’s GOOD at everything she tries, she’s afraid to try! I had no idea you had that in you, too.
    Glad I found your blog!

    • Oh Crystal~ So glad you found it, too!
      I’ve always struggled with fear and failure. Always always. But God is faithful and has continually shown me what it means to trust Him in that- after all, the fear is not from Him. Just gotta lean into it! She’ll get there. 🙂

  • ma says:

    God’s timing is always so perfect. My bible study with Beth Moore last night completely discussed fear and how the enemy paralyzes (sp) us with it that I NEED to share it with you!!! We will talk but glad to see you are taking the trusting leap with God’s help.

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