Slow and steady…still.

November 21, 2011 § 2 Comments

I got a slow start today.

Against all plans for a fresh start to the morning, I have been groggy and sluggish.  This is especially painful for so many four reasons.

  1. I had bright, shiny plans for today.  Last night as I was finishing up some other writing, I pictured such productivity, such a can-do attitude.  There may as well have been birds chirping in my mental image of me at my desk, flourishing with creativity.  I don’t know what happened.
  2. It’s a holiday week and this is not how I wanted to start it out.  On one hand, I’m super excited about it, but my blah body can’t get as revved up as I want it to be.  But I am drinking coffee.  Maybe this will help.
  3. There is a lot to do.  Now is not the time to be blase and get behind.  I will end up crying in the fetal position by tomorrow afternoon, this I promise you (didn’t mean to quote an *NSYNC song just then- they don’t own that phrase). [Nat Note: I just looked up how to properly type *NSYNC and laughed.  ‘Cause it’s stupid.  No offense to *NSYNC fans, but kinda.  BSB 4 Eva.]
  4.  I woke up to a slap-in-the-face realization.  And this is why it’s a two-header day.  I began this post last night and wanted to keep it in tact for y’all but still fill you in on where I’m at this morning.  ‘Cause that is what this blog is about.  Me.

And so begins the second half of my post.  Which ends with a plea for prayers, so you know where this is going.

I hate being powerless.

It just doesn’t suit me, really.  When I feel like my hands are tied, when there is nothing I can do, I panic. 

As I write this, a very dear friend of ours is having health problems and we know very little.  They are far away and the last we heard, things were not good.

Far, far away.  Might as well be Africa.

And so we’ve waited, hoping the phone would ring with an update.

And I hate that feeling.  When all I want to do is, well, anything for them, we are here.  In our house.  We still had to make dinner.  We still had to get some work done.  Even though all we wanted to do was be by her side.

Did I mention that I hate that? 

After getting the first phone call, I felt the paralysis I usually feel in these situations and felt both joyful and helpless as I prayed.  It can feel that way when we think about control- so happy to let go of it yet not knowing what to do with ourselves when we do.  But then it occurred to me- as I was sitting here at home, and she was in another state, God was with us both. 

And I didn’t know what I would do without that. 

 Once we enacted our own little phone tree, I would have felt so useless, staring at the wall and wondering.  But I was able to pray to the Father, over and over, and know He was with her though we couldn’t be.  And the worry left me.  Yes, I still felt a bit helpless and frustrated that I could not hug her ASAP, but even then, I figured the peace of the Holy Spirit is so much more than I could ever give with one of my hugs. 

Praise God for being there, for knowing every hair on her head and exactly what is going on.  She is in the best hands and always has been. 

We still don’t have an update this morning, which we are not sure is a good or a bad thing, but still ask for prayers.  For healing.  For strength. For the weather to not give them any problems with whatever they need to do.  She is a precious treasure and all we can do is pray.  And when I think about all of us doing it together, it feels like we’re really doing something.  Thanks for hanging in with me through this ever-so-uplifting post, but don’t worry.  If I have anything to say about it, the next post will be way more Thanksgiving-y.  I may even make my hand look like a turkey.

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§ 2 Responses to Slow and steady…still.

  • Being powerless. I can certainly relate. Why is it I completely understand the wonderfulness of complete reliance on Christ yet still want control? 🙂

    Thank you for sharing. And I hope your friend is finding comfort and peace through this difficult situation.

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