Fired up & fizzled out.

February 10, 2012 § Leave a comment

Okay, wow.  Get ready for this.

I have SO MUCH for you today.  [Hey, it’s Friday- you’re not really working anyway.] As in, my nimble fingers can hardly type fast enough for my brain.

First, I would like to start out with the beginning of a post that has been brewing all week (let’s just say it involved Planned Parenthood and leave it at that).  Then we’ll go from there:

“I can’t take it anymore. 

It’s the feeling I get when a balloon is about to pop.  I want to plug my ears and hum, the anticipation killing me for the moment when I feel like I just burst, too. 

Such is how I have felt as events occurring in the world the last few weeks have become overwhelming.  Too much. 

I’ve been left in awe and disgusted at humanity more often than not, speechless and panting, shaking my head and dropping what I’m doing to fix my gaze UP.

Lord, do you SEE this??? 

Yes, yes He does.

I feel so small, so angry, so outraged.  Disheartened.

Deep breathes.  So many, I’m getting lightheaded.

I feel like I am officially experiencing what it means to have a “heavy heart.”  It is like an anvil sitting in my chest.  I want to cry and cackle like a crazed maniac at the same time.

But most of all, above anything else, I want to be able to fly.  I want to run out my front door, as fast as I can, barefoot, spread my arms out on each side and leap, soaring above it all.  At least for a little while.  Even as I imagine that, I feel lighter.  And that is all I want, to be lighter.”

Upbeat, right?  I know.  And there was more.  Man, did I have things to say. 

However, God has been pushing His weight around and shoving me in a different direction, bless Him. He has been the principle running down the hall just when I was ready to fight, putting His arm around me and forcing me to walk the other way when all I wanted to do was throw some ‘bows.

How?  Well, I have been nothing but surrounded by awesome material this week and encouraging conversation (thank you Bible study women- I would be in such a pit without you).  And, as always, this video always helps (you know you want to watch it again- I cry every. time.):

People STANDING UP, on national television, for that song!!! Praise the Lord. I could have that song be the soundtrack to my day, every day. 

Also, read this article, people.  It is about to burst, it’s so full of language that hit my heart dead on.  You can tell that this gal has lived some life and has plenty of wisdom to share.  I want to be her friend. 

The message I think I’m getting?  Well, calm down, for one.  I’m shifting my fire in a different direction.  I’m pouring myself into projects I hope will bless people, not cause a fight.  I want to be used for joyful things, not angry and outraged things.  It is not up to me to carry the weight of the world to the point of wanting to bust with frustration, only to follow where God is leading me and live like I know the best news there is- Jesus Christ took care of it.  Seeing that song and reading that article flood me with such happiness and THAT is what I want to share.  We are BLESSED and have a Father who wants us to LOVE, most of all.  SO that’s what I’m going to try to do (which I fail at all the time in favor of exasperation).

I hope you have a GREAT weekend, full of good things and God things.  Phew.


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