These mean love, not war.

February 14, 2012 § 5 Comments

I love my husband, I really do.

He brings out the absolutes in me- absolute best and absolute worst. 

And as I am sure every blogger out there is posting about love on this special day, I’m keepin’ it real over here and going a different direction.  Love, yes, but behind-the-scenes love.  Because this past week, I was thinking about how hard marriage is. 

This is not a surprise to me and there have been plenty of hard moments throughout our relationship, let alone since we’ve been married, but after adjusting to being newly married (i.e. bathroom habits.  That’s all I’m gonna say) and growing out of the “newlywed” category, we have been facing some pretty heavy discussions and topics lately.  We’ve been pulled into the mire of expectations, communication, and needs.  The Reoccurring Three, if you will.  These are the three that will take years to master, if not just understand about each other. 

 So I was delighted and encouraged when we stopped being serious long enough to discover something.

We mentally logged the hours spent talking/fighting over/discussing various topics.  You know, the subjects that have really hung us up, proloned sleep and eating, and thrown us into conversations we had NOT expected when we got up that morning.  I now give you…

The Me & Him Top Three Qualms We Never Thought We’d Have When We Got Married List:

3.)  Dinner/cooking…  And we thought we would skate by with the fact that he enjoys cooking more than I do and I like doing dishes more than he does.  We thought, “Bam.”   Little did I know that I would reach a place where he was bringing home the bacon and I would be the one who had to cook it.  So that I don’t look like a slouch. But can’t I be kind of a slouch on the weekends?  I mean, come on.  And no, heating up leftovers doesn’t count as “cooking.”  Enter fight.*

2.) Television/Hallmark Channel…  Shockingly, the family-friendly channel has nearly brought down World War III upon this house.  I can’t even go into why.  I’m still not sure.

1.) Driving….  Can I get an “amen” from my sisters out there who just want to climb over and take the wheel when he is driving below the speed limit/ passing up a perfectly good parking spot/ missing the exit?  Am I missing anything on the list?  But I mean- glares like daggers to the soul when we get into this one.  I consider myself a very good driver and it KILLS me when he’s not driving the way I want him to.  My right foot presses on the invisible gas and brake along with him and if he makes a wrong move, I swear I can feel my blood pressure spike.   We have yet to come to a “good place” with this one.  It’s still out there floating as we have let bygones be bygones in the name of our sanity and carrying on with our lives.  I’m sure this one will haunt us for the rest of our marriage.

*You should know that I generally hate leftovers.  I just don’t like them.  I’m sorry.  Our latest row over this actually ended in much laughter after our conversation went something like:

Me- “I mean, when you’re pulling stuff out of the fridge and I say to you, ‘Yeah, we do need to clean out the refrigerator” and you don’t answer me because that’s my DINNER, I’m not going to be thrilled.”

Kenny- “I was just hoping you wouldn’t notice.”

Me- “Oh, I knew what you were up to when you didn’t answer me and then started ‘cooking’ really fast.”

Kenny- “Okay, maybe I was trying to deceive you.  No……I was just trying to trick you.”  Long pause, thinking.  “No….I was just trying to FEED you!” 

Fair enough.

All in all, I’d say we’re doing pretty good.  And on this Valentine’s, one of these three things just might creep its way into our day.  But we will laugh and thank God that our Top Three Qualms have everything to do with being two separate people coming into close relationship.  They’re gonna happen.

I just hate the way he drives, that’s all.  🙂

Happy Valentine’s Day, all!  Take the time to laugh at the qualms.

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§ 5 Responses to These mean love, not war.

  • tianac says:

    You just made me giggle! We have been together for 18 years now and we still argue especially about driving. Generally my foot is not putting a whole in the floorboard because I’m trying to put the gas going, usually I’m trying to get the car to slow down and stop so much sooner than he does. But I have also found that when he drives the amount of arguing is substantially less than when I’m driving. He really hates how I drive, lol.

    Best advice – always talk it through and make sure that each other understands how the other really feels. (this is usually not during an argument but instead during a real conversation) I have to remind myself that no matter how much I think it should be common sense for him to understand how I feel, I have to take the time to actually explain it in black and white. The end result is so much better.

    • I knew I wasn’t alone! And I definitely fall guilty of getting frustrated when I have to spell it out rather than it being “common sense,” for sure. Sounds like you two have struck a good balance after a few years under your belt (maybe he does most of the driving?). 🙂
      Let’s just say there is a lot of grace going on in our car most of the time! Thanks for commenting!

  • J.W. says:

    I don’t want to be negative, but keep at those discussions and keep those communication lines open! When you have kids the whole dynamic changes, so work on the little stuff like driving and bathroom sharing.

  • ma says:

    Marriage is all about laughter! If you laugh at situations and find humor to resolve conflict you are on your way to a very harmonious future as husband and wife. Do not forget the”we factor”….example…did “we” take out the garbage?(when really he was suppose to). FYI. Your dinner dialogue example about put me on the floor with laughter…LOL what a mental/word picture 🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day..share the love.

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