May 31, 2012 § 4 Comments
It can be harder than it looks, putting your life into words.
I always want to, of course, but the act of composing the perfect paragraph that captures my day, my thoughts, my heart, can just be plain ol’ daunting.
So I haven’t been doing it.
The truth is, I’m not exactly sure as to why. For awhile, I was just tired and fell into living each day for what it was, not how I would write about it. And I liked that. [True story: Walking through tulips in the Skagit Valley one sunny Monday had me rolling my eyes at all the mommy bloggers, balancing SLRs and their toddlers, clogging the rows and placing little Susie and Billy in off-limits areas for the perfect photo they were going to go home and edit in Photoshop or something-Monkey while the kiddo napped. I betcha.] Needless to say, I wasn’t rushing back to the blog world.
I was happy to walk away, to be free. No pressure. I don’t do well with pressure.
I wasn’t missing it. In fact, I had begun to have downright visceral reactions to the idea of sitting down to blog, which made me wonder what I had done to myself along the way.
Then, it turned into a take-it-or-leave-it, shrugging shoulders apathy that would sometimes enter my To-Do list, but I didn’t really mind if it wasn’t getting crossed off day after day (which really speaks to the apathy- I REALLY love to cross things off lists). I wanted to want to blog, but it just wasn’t happening. Ah well.
And finally, as of late, I have felt a tugging. More folks have been asking where I went, which is very sweet, and I knew in my gut that the apathy was turning to a…missing. It was starting to bother me.
I found myself watching Julie & Julia WAY too much for anyone’s good (like now) and as much as I love the movie, I was really living vicariously through her blogging. My palms were starting to get sweaty and my eye would twitch when something was so completely blog-worthy, yet I felt as if I shouldn’t bother because clearly, I couldn’t keep up with the rest.
Then I remembered- I started blogging back in 2006 for the heck of it. The only people reading it were my family and friends keeping up with my Ireland adventures and I was free to be me. There were no expectations, there were no rules about “how to blog” (which, most of the time, I vehemently ignore, though to each their own), and I was blowing people’s minds when I would upload a photo. Oh, how easy it was to impress back then and how satisfied I felt just because I was writing.
So here I am, feeling rusty and behind, fairly sure that all who once read me have since moved on to bigger and better blogs, but I am here. Writing.
And that makes me happy.
And because I use Pinterest so infrequently, I couldn’t remember my account information to sign in, thus I could not find a cute picture of something related to “writing.” And I’m okay with that. 🙂