Saving my life.

July 26, 2012 § 4 Comments

It can be scary, when we feel like we need saving.

When you are falling deeper and deeper into the unknown, far from and completely outside the familiar and what you know of yourself, only questioning and pondering.

But so it happens.

You know that spot that dancers pick when they’re turning?  Or figure skaters?  I have never been either, but I think I’ve heard how they pick a spot when they spin that helps them ground themselves.  As they go faster and faster, past the point where all of us would have ended up on our bums, they can keep going as long as they can fix their eyes on that one thing every time they make a rotation. If nothing else, it keeps them from getting dizzy.

Honestly?  Right now, in the midst of confusion and doubt, I see my husband.  Truly, it’s him. My fixed point.

And I know I yammered about him in the last post, but I just can’t help it.  If I’m being honest, when the going gets tough, I think of/look at/listen to him and the world stops spinning.  I don’t feel as nauseous.  I’m not as scared of falling and breaking something beyond repair.

I watch him talk to others, run his business, make dinner, care for the chickens, and all of the other things that make up his day and it gives me courage.  His giving is easy, his attitude-unwavering. He just does. He shines the light of the Lord.

I’ve never been what people would call “courageous,” but he helps me step out in faith when he reminds me that:

No matter what, it’ll be okay.

No matter what, he loves me. 

No matter what, he’ll lead me in prayer.

No matter what, he forgives me.

No matter what, he supports me.

Now, we still got in a tiff the other night over fudgesicles, but from the little to the big things, I don’t question that list.   So when I am spinning and turning and searching for meaning and direction and purpose and gifts (you know, little stuff), I tune back in and steady myself.

I am more than what I do. We have joked about, as small business owners, “we would always have our love” if nothing else, and as we laugh we both know it’s true.  We have always said that our home, our family would be about the Lord and love and he reminds me of that every day.

And that is what is saving my life right now.

*Go ahead and pop over to Sarah Bessey’s In which we are saved, right now to find others answering the question, “What is saving your life right now?”  And feel free to join in.


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