January 24, 2013 § 3 Comments
Peanut did not want me writing about anything other than Peanut yesterday.
As I sat down to compose this post, attempting to tackle other topics–big, life-changing topics like world peace and whether or not I should get bangs–I would look down to see an awesome display of acrobatics through my shirt that just blew.my.mind. As my computer screen cast its light on my belly, illuminating Peanut’s movements into shadows that would make Peter Pan jealous, I lost all concentration. I was in awe. I took it all in. And restarted this post.
“Ah, yes,” I breathed. “There is a little person in there.”
And that really brought the day full circle and I will tell you why. Yesterday morning, I got up and put my grumpy pants on. Breathtaking back pains, little sleep, and a general sense of moodiness disrupted my regularly bright disposition (hey- some of you may be rolling your eyes, but I can be bright) and upon rolling out of bed and grunting at Kenny, I figured it was all over.
Day= Natalie in a funk.
Then I watched, through my hot mess Frodo hair, my husband leave the house and my Frosted Mini Wheats get soggy. Naturally, that was the perfect time to jump on Facebook and really nudge everything (that wasn’t already on its way) downhill fast. Comparison comparison comparison. Blech blach blooch.
But Peanut wouldn’t let it win. While getting dressed, as I read books to the boy I nanny, and standing in line at the bank- I was getting a different kind of nudge. Nudges from feet and fists, nudges of life instead of death. All day. And I finally gave in.
“Alright,” I realized and relented. “You win.”
It felt selfish to be consumed by negativity, doubts, and anxieties with a perma-furrow engraved on my brow while I was being incessantly reminded to give thanks, to be filled with wonder. Who was I to choose to focus on the “wrong” of the day, little annoyances and grievances that aren’t even big enough to really remember now, when being blessed by so much?
To answer your first question- no, this isn’t now a mommy blog. First of all, those who know me would probably laugh that term and my name being used in the same sentence. Instead, I believe we all have that thing to be thankful for, that thing we sometimes ignore in favor of the grumpy pants and a frown only to be drawn back in with wonder at how we got so lucky. Life-giving things we sometimes see and most times don’t. I saw mine today (well, I see it every day since I wear it, but I don’t always SEE it) and I think it applies to all. Yesterday, rather than indulging fear, frustration, or bitterness any longer, I was reminded to take in the life around me, within me.
Yesterday, Peanut asked a simple question until I was ready to listen.
How could I forget?