Too. Many. Things.
July 23, 2013 § 1 Comment
One tiny desk light shines to my left, illuminating my husband’s computer and keyboard and casting a faint glow my way as I type. I can hear the traffic still flowing down the road through the open window and the fan going in our room, where Kenny is putting our boy down for the night (we hope). Other than that, all is quiet.
Dinner dishes still sit in the sink and our living room looks like a baby swing graveyard littered with piles of secondhand baby clothes to sort, but I’m here.
I have to admit, I’ve been reluctant to come back lately. After all, once you’ve been away from something for so long, something you did so regularly, you feel rusty, disoriented, even stuck.
Where to begin?
I’ve started about 20 posts in my head over the past several weeks and just wished I could telepathically post while nursing or napping, but alas–it could not be. Instead, thoughts more or less stockpiled (or just plain expired) to the point where when I thought about writing, I had a mental traffic jam and could only think of typing,
“Man. Phew. Hi.
The baby is hot on my heels, so I’ve only got a minute, but I just stole away while he wasn’t looking and mentally and emotionally sprinted here to check in.
There’s been plenty going on amidst the biggest transition I’ve ever been through and I want to tell you all about it. But I can’t, not really. It would take too long. And don’t even ask for pictures. But in summary, I’ve been to Alaska and back with an infant, successfully braved Mommy & Me yoga, started cooking again, lost all water weight (i.e. excuses) and am now left with the dreaded “baby weight,” and have managed to read, from cover to cover, a magazine. There’s probably more, but when I try to recount anything, I only hear the testing sound from the Emergency Broadcast System in my head.
Don’t even get me started on processing our birth story and the passing of our beloved family cat, Zoya. There just isn’t time.
But I miss you. And promise to be back more often. With better things to talk about than baby weight and magazines.
SO in short, this post is more me writing about writing, which isn’t my favorite, but helps me recalibrate. I couldn’t jump in any other way as if no time had passed. I’m linear to a fault, I guess. But as I’ve gotten more used to smelling like baby and eating dinner at 9pm, I could feel myself getting closer to being back here. I just needed to get past the shock of “WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!?” and who I was in this new life to understanding and managing the new normal in my days before thinking about sitting down at the computer again. For fun.
And the clock has now struck 11pm, the baby is officially asleep (and has been, for the record, so don’t look at me like that), and I know I will regret staying up even a minute later, so I’m gonna go. But I’ll be back. Soon. For fun.