And then the world exploded.
September 30, 2013 § 2 Comments
To Texas we went, where we melted, ate, swam, and reconnected with family. The wee one did pretty well until a meltdown on the plane home. But let’s be honest–he was only expressing aloud what we both felt: “Aaaaaand I’m done. And airplanes make me cray-cray.”
Amen, my son.
Let me tell ya’ll, single parenting is THE HARDEST. I don’t know that I have truly been tested like that before. I mean, I rocked it, but still. Over-the-top hard. Those who do it alone deserve awards and lots of chocolate. Or liquor.
Really, kidding aside, I don’t think I’ve been pushed to my limits like besides one other time…
I’ll let an excerpt from an email to my dear Chaco do the rest of the talking. She asked “How was Texas?” and it just flowed.
“This trip to Texas was SO TRYING on SO MANY LEVELS, but we’ll focus on the single parent side. I would do anything for this kid. And it really felt like he was mine and I was more than happy to do the diapering, feeding, wake-ups, etc (for the most part–don’t get me wrong, there two minor meltdowns while we were there and he just.wasn’t.sleeping) because he’s all mine and I get to.
Then we got on the plane home and I wanted to die and jump and cry and there was NOWHERE TO GO and it was airborne purgatory. I remember Dante referred to it. But we did it. I could have crumbled at the sight of Kenny, I don’t think I’ve been that “done.” I really do think that I’ve only hit that point, where I felt so trapped within my circumstances and there was no way out but through, one other time: in labor.
So. You can take that parallel to the bank.
And then I was up this morning and Kenny had to leave for work and I was still in my makeup and teeth and tank top from yesterday and he handed me the crying baby and we both looked at Tucker like “this is not ideal” and he had to go and I cried and felt so much like a mom, it was ridiculous.
But I can do it, ya know? Just when I think I can’t, I have to and I do. So I think it’s a good thing. Nothing has ever stretched me like this.”
And then my brother suggested a road trip of some kind in the future to meet between here and Texas and perhaps fly back home and I was all, “You must have another sister you’re thinking of doing this with” because we’re never leaving the greater Seattle area again.
And this past week, when I started this post and couldn’t hit publish in a timely manner? What happened then, you ask?
I got a head cold and Kenny worked like a madman and I was practically single-parenting again and somewhere in there, our boy turned four months old and I spilled an entire cup of coffee on the carpet and furniture and pajamas that I can’t get to stop smelling and we had a poop DISASTER over the weekend which made me want to burn everything and start over and Kenny got a little cold and I joined MOPS and we’re swimming in health insurance biz-nass and taxes and audits and trying to run a business and blog and sleep and look at each other and get fresh air and eat healthy and pray and…and…
And did I mention that we’re working on our blessed son’s sleep starting last week? He could use some work and guys–this is an area I hold in the highest regard. Sleep. So vital, necessary…for everyone. He’s four months, which is cute. You know what else it is? Okay to get that kid regulated. For all our sake’s. Our childbirth coach is helping us out and using us as practice hours for a certification she’s working on, which is awesome (and free), but still. Sleep logs? Show you just how far you gotta go. He’s doing pretty well, and I know we’ve reached that developmental age where it will probably all go to heck because he’s all “LOOK! I can roll over and grab my toes and screech and and and and–those trees are moving in the wind!–and why do you keep trying to put me to sleep when so many exciting things are keeping my eyes open!?!?“
We’ll get there.
But I’m not complaining. Really, I wouldn’t trade all this for the world. Because even as I have been more exhausted than since I delivered this kiddo into the world, I know in my gut it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.
Consider yourself caught up.